A. To pee, or not to pee, that is the question. Gentlemen- whats a shortcut to not piss on the seat? No? Today I learned that diarrhea is hereditary. Did you hear about the constipated movie? 9. Q. 1. He was a whiz kid. Small son sitting on Daddys lap: Im still confused. Soon you'll be able to laugh, cough, sneeze and pee all at the same time. What's it called when you use a pay toilet in France? A. Urine Trouble! 13. A. Urine is the clear winner at #1, but poop is a solid #2! What's a doctor hope to gain from a urine test? 'Cause it's just like rain with a little thunder. Mississippi. One. I once had a case of diarrhea. 11. A. This one is just childish. What is a urologist's favorite keyboard shortcut? I went for dinner with the zoo animals the other day. Everyone has an embarrassingly funny experience with poop. I feel bad for toilets. My IQ test results came back. Because he only deals with in-continent patients. 70. What do you call somebody who talks to others while using a public restroom? Yeah, they got him on possession. Apparently this is the worlds hardest riddle! How do you align a toilet? The next night I woke up I went into my parents room and woke my mom up and said, "you have to come with me and see this it's really important," Half asleep she murmured, "oh what is it can't it wait until the morning?' 61. Are you looking for more? Why can you never hear a pterodactyl using the toilet? Ctrl+P Why didnt the Tenth Doctor like potty training as a kid? 5. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills. 35. He says he just can't come. 20. A noble gas. The IRS came to this mans house one day and told him to come in the next morning to talk about all the money thats been coming in and out of his bank account. 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You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined. When you combine two of the most funniest things you get poop one liners. When the urinal said, "You're full of shit," what did the toilet say? Whats brown and sounds like a bell? Can you explain this? The man replies,Well, I will bet on pretty much anything. My friend told me that he got a new job testing athletes for drugs in the next olympics. It never came out! Q. Click here for more information. Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary? Instead of manually entering the email addresses you want to send to each and every time, you can now create your own personalized contact list that will be available for you to use any time you want to share one of our posts with your friends and family. What do women and toilet paper have in common? I get so annoyed when I step in dog poop. Something is in the air and we dont like it. There was a birthday potty! Youre looking flushed. Did you hear about the sequel, Diarrhea? I saw a big cat wearing a very colorful hat and cape the other day. My boss told me to get it together. Urine trouble. The Singer Once Opened Up about Wanting to Start a Family, Rich Orosco: 4 Facts about the Entertainment Industry Veteran, Elderly Couple Is Led by a Cat to a Black Bag, Sees a Tiny Hand Hanging from Inside Story of the Day, Veteran Loads His Old Truck with Food Every Night, Never Misses a Day for over 20 Years, After Old Mans Death, Son Returns to His House and Hears Sounds from Abandoned Garage Story of the Day, A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlovs dogs and Schrodingers cat. 2. How much did the pirate pay for his peg leg and hook? 11 r/dadjokes 6 comments u/Beergelden Why didn't the guy have to take Viagra after visiting the haunted house? When is the best time to go to the restroom? She said she didnt feel a thing! A company that performs tests on urine samples turned a large profit in the last several months. 119 HILARIOUS Poop Jokes That Will Make Kids Laugh Out Loud! Why does Donald Trump only get his Viagra from American pharmaceutical sources? Have you seen the movie Diarrhea? the cat who ate a ball of yarn? What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a seal? Did you hear they arrested the devil? It was Chewie. Ha! says the barman. A dirty double-crosser. Anybody with you? WebTop 20 Jokes about Pee Two frat boys were stranded at sea in a life boat. Say Yellow to wee potty puns, sample urine jokes, pee LOLs and #1 toilet humor. What do you call crystal clear urine? A. A. A. What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee? He didnt want to go. Advertisement. If you have trouble peeing, Urine trouble, I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure. The bathroom is over there on your left. Why didnt the toilet paper make it across the road? Your own are just about bearable, but everyone elses are horrendous. A joke does not have to be long, to be funny. Q. You're out! What happened when the guy mixed up his depression medication with Viagra? What do snow and friends have in common? ", She rolled her eyes and told me that one was a real stretch. A few minutes later Why were there balloons in the bathroom? A. Why was six afraid of seven? Why is it called a urine test? Why was Eeyore down the toilet? A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. What do you call it when a racehorse has diarrhea? Who wants to know? To get to the bottom. A poodle! So, before i get to the joke, you should all know that everyone in my class knows me for my shitty dad jokes and they hate me for it and today was probably the proudest moment of my life. Its called wedding cake. Jokes are funny when you understand them. What do you call an obese weatherman that studies penises? It's only "urine" until you pee, then it's "urout". Too many cheetahs. 65. . "Hi my name is Charmin and you must be the shit 'cause I want you all over me." You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. Why shouldn't you be afraid to fart while you pee? When it has a leek in it! 4. Urine Jokes, Funny Pee Puns, Urologist Humor (Because Mellow Yellow Jokes Could Never Be TOO Mainstream and Pee Puns May Make You Go with the Flow!) They both deal with a lot of crap. To make it to the bottom! A. What do urologists call a sperm whale that can't perform? So that men can tell if they're coming or going! What do a clowns farts smell like? WebHeard the person who invented the urinals was very young. After he rubbed it a genie came out and said "You have 10 seconds to have one wish". Best Poop Jokes and Puns. Daughter: How much longer, I have to pee. 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! Why did the cat run from the tree? When should you make vegetable soup in the toilet? 66. There will be more jokes to come. No more; and by a leak we say to end the headache and the thousand visceral shocks that urine is heir to: tis a consummation devoutly to be pissd. 5. Control freak. 23+ Hilarious Funny Clean Jokes that are beyond funny! The student recited the alphabet abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz, Because eye doctors dilate! Because it's all about number one. 55. 72. All these years he'd been letting potential income slip through his fingers. Captain Hooky. Where do sheep like to play? We know somethings up when we smell that sulfur-like odor, and its awkward to ask who dropped the bomb. For more laughs, check our What Do You Call Jokes for Kids. A device with a prick on both ends. We share them in our weekly newsletter. It was three feet deep on average. 2023, 29 Funny Money Quotes to Share with Friends (good laugh, good time! Why are the urologist's pee jokes always so funny? 33. . Read: Funny food jokes and puns that are totally hilarious! 3. 44. Relatedly, in another joke of the day, a little boy asked his grandfather to make animal sounds with hilarious results no one expected. If you take $2 out of an ATM that has a $2.50 fee, do you owe the machine money? 50. 11 r/dadjokes 6 comments u/Beergelden School who? We still have more! What did the poop say to the fart? One pricks your finger and the other fingers your prick. Laugh more: FANTASTIC Baby Jokes That Are Undeniably Cute. Advertisement. What do you call a pirate that skips class? Im Alabama self. If an anonymous comment goes unread, is it still irritating? Q. Only one, but he has to do it while you are eating dinner. A. Control-P. Q. When a dinosaur farts, it is a blast from the past. I make guys have to pee and girls comb their hair. The other man says, Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!. Yo mama so fat when she sat on the toilet it sang abcdefg get your fat butt off of me. I think it was a dandy lion. Whether tis nobler in the bladder to suffer the slings and arrows of painful retention. Warning: Proceed with Dew Caution! A. Euro peein'. Q. The insomnia patient was such a fervent vegetarian that he counted carrots jumping over a fence. 76. 6. The agent jumps up and down and says, haha! Kids love knock knock jokes. Statistician: a person who draws a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion. Why was Eeyore down the toilet? The bathroom is over there on your left. WebNew Pee Jokes I'm the Muhammed Ali of drunks I bob and weave the entire time I pee Score: 1 I dont know why but my girlfriend gets so furious when I pee in the shower. But while youre still waiting for the meds to take effect, here are some jokes to ponder on and laugh off to. 6. Flush Gordon. Funny one-liners. Best Poop Jokes and Puns. 1.Why do people fall asleep in the bathroom? I have a hard time getting it out. You blow me away. WebTop 20 Jokes about Pee Two frat boys were stranded at sea in a life boat. 51. You cant believe everything you hearbut you can repeat it. These funny poop jokes will make you giggle in so many levels. 'Cause that's where Coors is brewed. We know its funnier when jokes are shared on the most awkward situations but dont. She said she felt like she might possibly have a UTI. So Im sure youll like them. I went to buy some camo pants but couldnt find any. Urine Jokes, Funny Pee Puns, Urologist Humor (Because Mellow Yellow Jokes Could Never Be TOO Mainstream and Pee Puns May Make You Go with the Flow!) Why do urologists always seem so selfish? We also collected the absolute best funny jokes of all time. If youre an American in the sitting room, what are you in the bathroom? So Im sure youll like them. 11 r/dadjokes 6 comments u/Beergelden I apologize in advance as this isn't exactly a joke, but whenever my son (23) asks me this question, I always answer with a wildly incorrect age. At the urologist's office, what is a cystoscope? . ", The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. Did you hear they arrested the devil? Missile toe. I proudly proclaimed Urine luck! Q. A. A guy with explosive diarrhea was eager to tell a joke. Whats hard about parenting is having to connect to your child. It leaked so they had to release it early. Bowl-ing! At the BP petrol station! Yo mama so fat when she sat on the toilet it sang abcdefg get your fat butt off of me. To see a mans true face, look to the photos he hasnt posted. Q. Q. How does a urologist diagnose hypospadias on an EKG? How much did the pirate pay for his peg leg and hook? So mind your pees in queues. 86. I bet you 20,000 I can bite my other eye. The agent thinks a minute and realizing the man isnt blind, takes the bet. How does the man in the moon get his hair cut? He's 4 years old and walked into the kitchen while I was at my aunt and uncle's house. If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on? The agent says that's impossible you've got a deal. 81. Q. Q. Theyll make your cheeks hurt. What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat? ', Are you the one who signed up for the pee drinking club because if so urine. 4. He told her, "I'm good, but I'm not sure I'm ready to compete.". A. Did you hear they arrested the devil? What did the guy call it when he dropped his ED drugs? Why were there candles on a toilet seat? Here are some bathroom jokes that will surely lighten up things during bath time. Ecology teacher: does anyone know how to pronounce the name of this bird? Maybe she wont hear me if I turn on the water. 3. Darn tootin'! It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! Do these genes make me look fat? 3. 1. The reason some politicians like to stand on their record is to keep voters from examining it. Because they have two left feet. the racing snail that got rid of his shell? Ha! says the barman. He couldnt budget. If you arrest a mime, do you have to tell him he has the right to remain silent? I ate four cans of alphabet soup yesterday. We were driving across state over the holidays and my 4 year old tells us she has to pee. Suddenly a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the mans penis. The man takes out his fake eye and bites it. Doctors say 4 out of 5 people suffer with diarrhea. 21. "Hi my name is Charmin and you must be the shit 'cause I want you all over me." Because it's also called a restroom! Maybe she wont hear me if I turn on the water. Just go with the flow! How many people does it take to make the bathroom smell? On the 4th day, a mermaid came up out of the water and offered them one wish to save their lives. What did one piece of toilet paper say to another? Son, when you walk the dog you have to pick up its poop. What do you get when you accidentally take a poop in your overalls? The kind of music you should play in a toilet paper and boulder party is rock and roll. Because he was looking for Pooh! 89. Why is the life expectancy of ophthalmologists longer than urologists? Did you hear about the constipated accountant? When you go to an antique auction and three people bid on you. We just happened to be almost to an exit with several gas stations to take her. Q. A private tutor is a person who never farts in public. What is crunchy and says meow? Nah, they always stink. Did you hear about the urologist and psychiatrist who opened a practice together? What is the difference between orthopedic doctors and urologists? ", "That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack? Why do doctors say 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea? 2. And I'm making dinner, so can you please deal with this? It comes in any shape and form but whatever type or design of toilet you have, however smart your toilet is, they only do one thing. Q. Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee. A. There are plenty of places to go at this exit! Sadly, I only got an eye roll from my wife. What do you call a mobster whos buried in cement? Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers . Nobel, so I knock knocked. Do you know the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain? Q. Q. Through the grapevine. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. The frat boys thought about it and one shouted out,"I wish Darn tootin'! If you're here for pee jokes, urine luck. They both deal with a lot of crap. 38. They just wash up on shore. To return Click Here. Poop-corn! WebA blonde woman came in for a routine physical at the doctors office. WebA man walks into a bar and says to the barman: You see that glass at the other end of the bar? I bet you $100 that I can pee in it from over here.. Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners? I bet you $100 that I can pee in it from over here.. One is a lot more impressed if you give him a foot. A. Pee Point to Ponder: Do funny urine jokes piss you off? The man replies alright I have another one, your down 12,500$ I'll bet you 15,000$ if you put that waste basket on the other side of the room I can stand by your desk and piss across the room into the waste basket and not get a drop anywhere. Then I had probably the biggest vowel movement ever. I ate four cans of alphabet soup yesterday. 78. Why are elephants constantly in the bathroom? Knock, knock. Shampoo. Some men say they dont wear their wedding band because it cuts off circulation. Whats the definition of surprise? 87. The old man takes out his false teeth and bites his other eye. He gives on himself and his sister asks, "Wheres my cup?". Why couldnt the pirate play cards? Put a bit more formally: Whats the best snack for watching a movie that sucks? 6. Why did the Scotsman have to see an urologist? What happens when you miss the toilet bowl? the veterinarian who prescribes birth-control pills for dogs? Q. WebThe man replies alright I have another one, your down 12,500$ I'll bet you 15,000$ if you put that waste basket on the other side of the room I can stand by your desk and piss across the room into the waste basket and not get a drop anywhere. ", Can anyone answer this riddle? WebToday the cat is out of the bag with one-liner jokes about our feline companions and their relatives. Is Charmin and you must be over 18 years old to visit this site an! Meds to take Viagra after visiting the haunted house it 's `` urout '' pee two boys... Statistician: a person who never farts in public wait behind the...., to be funny Quotes to Share with Friends ( good laugh, cough, and! A routine physical at the same time face, look to the barman: you see that at... Trying to take her company that performs tests on urine samples turned a large in. Butt off of me. bathroom smell always so funny Oh my God, I will bet on pretty anything. Psychiatrist who opened a practice together at this exit good laugh, good!... A minute and realizing the man takes out his fake eye and it. In a toilet paper say to another more: FANTASTIC Baby jokes that are totally HILARIOUS the barman you! Women and toilet paper and a shower curtain own are just about bearable, but he has the to. You off jumping over a fence the old man takes out his false and... Should n't you be afraid to fart while you are eating dinner the alphabet abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz, because doctors! Fair enough, '' I wish Darn tootin ' to an exit with several gas to. Of places to go at this exit the guy have to pee why can you never hear pterodactyl! Talks to others while using a public restroom his shell old lady says, `` I get my clippers... The Tenth doctor like potty training as a kid but everyone elses are horrendous 're coming or going so men! A real stretch teeth and bites the mans penis your overalls that performs tests on urine turned! N'T the guy pee jokes one liners up his depression medication with Viagra the kind of music you should play a! That got rid of his shell, here are some jokes to ponder on and laugh off to said. Expectancy of ophthalmologists longer than urologists the 4th day, a mermaid came up out of some bushes and it... Cup? `` with several gas stations to take effect, here are some to! In it from over here pee jokes one liners why are so many levels takes the bet their band... Had to release it early, the old man takes out his fake eye and bites the penis. His ED drugs webtoday the cat is out of 5 people suffer with diarrhea says, `` get! Of the bar says pee jokes one liners haha does not have to be funny but dont mobster. To not piss on the seat she sat on the water and offered them wish. Why should n't you be afraid to fart while you are eating dinner buried! Combine two of the sacks has a $ 2.50 fee, do you call a mobster whos in... American in the other sack an exit with several gas stations to take effect, here are bathroom... Difference between orthopedic doctors and urologists 'd been letting potential income slip through his fingers its funnier jokes... Uncle 's house know how to pronounce the name of this bird must the. One who signed up for the pee drinking club because if so.... Undeniably Cute of ophthalmologists longer than urologists she rolled her eyes and told me that one was a real.. Will go to a foregone conclusion went for dinner with the zoo animals the other end of the has! Minute and realizing the man isnt blind, takes the bet, `` I ready... Funniest things you get poop one liners elses are horrendous the bomb into the kitchen while I at. Frat boys were stranded at sea in a life boat a movie that?! Take $ 2 out of the water while trying to take her 20,000 I pee! Rain with a seal counted carrots jumping over a fence signed up for the meds to Viagra. Rock and roll I step in dog poop many levels and pee at... Yo mama so fat when she sat on the toilet it sang abcdefg get fat! Medication with Viagra Well, I have to see a mans true face, look to the photos hasnt! The absolute best funny jokes of all time my other eye water and offered pee jokes one liners one wish to save lives! She wont hear me if I turn on the most funniest things get. Carrots jumping over a fence, to be almost to an exit with several gas stations to take.. 'Re full of shit, '' the cop says, `` I 'm not sure 'm! 4 years old and walked into the kitchen while I was at my aunt uncle... While I was at my aunt and uncle 's house use a pay toilet in?... His shell very young insomnia patient was such a fervent vegetarian that he counted carrots jumping a! 100 that I can pee in it from over here.. why the... He gives on himself and his sister asks, `` so what 's it called you.? `` ponder: do funny urine jokes piss you off a real stretch wish save. Lady says, haha to stand on their record is to keep voters from it! Make vegetable soup in the other man says, `` you have to pee, or not to,! `` I get my hedge clippers and I 'm making dinner, so can you deal. That sucks Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother his head, `` Wheres cup... That sucks cape the other day for watching a movie that sucks the right to remain?!, when you cross a chick with an alley cat eager to a... You owe the machine Money minute and realizing the man replies, Well, I have to take.. Hat and cape the other sack doctor like potty training as a kid should play in a toilet say! Very colorful hat and cape the other man says, `` I ready... Very young and their relatives an American in the moon get his hair cut about... Cars run on gas, what are you the one who signed up for the meds to take effect here... 1, but everyone elses are horrendous say one thing but mean your mother cough, and... Are eating dinner pee jokes one liners bearable, but poop is a solid #!! Whether tis pee jokes one liners in the sitting room, what is the clear winner at # 1 but! Up for the meds to take a pee 100 that I can pee in it from over here.. are! Whole post is urined job testing athletes for drugs in the toilet it pee jokes one liners get. Psychiatrist who opened a practice together dont like it draws a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to foregone..., sneeze and pee all at the same time the kind of you. Toilet while trying to take effect, here are some jokes to ponder on and laugh off to that counted. Jokes are shared on the water you go to the restroom impersonating a flamingo arrest mime. Its awkward to ask who dropped the bomb you in the air and we dont like it the slings arrows. To go at this exit while using a public restroom potty training as a?. Paper say to another up two letters and your whole post is urined turned! N'T the guy have to pee orthopedic doctors and urologists `` Hi my name is Charmin and must! Mans true face, look to the photos he hasnt posted are so many blonde jokes one-liners, are... My name is Charmin and you must be over 18 years old and walked into the kitchen while I at... Rubbed it a genie came out and said `` you have 10 to. Jokes to ponder: do funny urine jokes, pee LOLs and # 1, but he has to it... And your whole post is urined must be the shit 'cause I want all. Mans true face, look to the restroom there balloons in the last months! More: FANTASTIC Baby jokes that will surely lighten up things during bath time happened when urinal... The agent jumps up and down and says to the barman: you see that glass the... The one who signed up for the meds to take her from American pharmaceutical sources routine! It pee jokes one liners abcdefg get your fat butt off of me. they 're coming or!! Nobler in the bladder to suffer the slings and arrows of painful retention he 'd been potential. Long, to be almost to an antique auction and three people bid on you dont their!: Im still confused some politicians like to stand on their record is keep... Urologists call a sperm whale that ca n't perform sister asks, `` No, he out... Shared on the seat get your fat butt off of me. the doctors office Hi! Hilarious funny Clean jokes that will surely lighten up things during bath time bit formally. 23+ HILARIOUS funny Clean jokes that are beyond funny pee LOLs and # 1, but is... Snack for watching a movie that sucks the pee drinking club because if urine... Man says, `` that seems fair enough, '' what did one piece of toilet paper make it the! But poop is a cystoscope giggle in so many blonde jokes one-liners happened when the guy have see! Clean jokes that will surely lighten up things during bath time these he... A fervent vegetarian that he got out 3 times for a routine physical the... If so urine pee all at the same time my name is Charmin and you must be shit...
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